jennI have been house hunting since spring, no real timeline, no real rush – just feeling a need for a change. A shift in my environment, change in scenery.
When I first met with my realtor, I gave her a list of all the things that this house is going to have, and that list sparked another vision.
I have recently been craving a community of women. My instinct had been that I want to be around a circle of women – I don’t need to be integrated in the middle of it, but just be surrounded by it.
I keep attending events and trying to find where I belong. Meditations, yoga, microdose ceremonies, cacao ceremonies, intuitive dance.
Since I left Crossfit and bodybuilding – I feel out of place. I don’t have the built-in community and support as I once did.
The more I started to talk about it – the more I realized that I can create that community, instead of finding it.
Cultivate the community over searching for it.
A vision that came to me was me in my new house, in the backyard around a bonfire, surrounded by women. Why are we gathered? Not sure. What will we be talking about? No clue. What’s the purpose? Also don’t know.
But then another vision came –
A naked bonfire.
Women celebrating being women.
Non-sexual.
Non-judgmental.
Being free to be in your body without shame or guilt or thoughts of anything else in the outside world.
A couple weeks back, I scrolled through instagram and saw a post full of the backsides of a diverse group of women.
Someone had created an event that mirrored my vision!
I signed up immediately as a full-bodied, YES!
25 women on an open homestead.
Yaks, chickens, a natural clay pond, a forest with trails and aerial tree hammocks.
Immersed in nature and the outdoors.
Fully naked.
Was this something that I’d ever see myself doing?
Absolutely not.
Was this something that I felt would unlock something stuck within me?
Absolutely.
As each of us arrived fully clothed and entered a circle in the grassy patch under the most beautiful apple tree, we exchanged nervous and anxious glares across the circle. Each woman wondering if she was the only one feeling the hesitation and discomfort of what was about to happen.
Chickens behind us, yaks in front of us. Nature in all forms surrounding us.
The facilitator, Nala, started us off with introductions, and then a series of journal prompts, which was a beautiful way to open up the space. Paraphrasing her much-better worded prompts:
- What were your initial thoughts when you think about stripping down naked in front of this group?
- How do you feel when you are naked with yourself?
- When did you first start to feel shame about your body?
- What do you love about your body?
Addressing the insecurities and then expressing gratitude for our bodies was a huge step in releasing any fear.
We were then guided into a group meditation and breathwork.
Eyes closed.
Slowly stripping off our layers as she continued to guide us through breath.
Peeling back layers of clothing, exposing vulnerability with each article that came off.
Releasing clothing, releasing shame and guilt, releasing preconceived thoughts on how the day was going to go, and releasing worry and doubt that we were brave enough to move forward.
And then – we opened our eyes.
After only a few seconds of insecurity, it was one of the most liberating, freeing, shameless moments.
Opening our eyes to a circle of women, all breaking out of the discomfort and easing in to the reality of existing in this safe space on a beautiful land, shedding past stories, free from clothing and free from the external world.
And then – we played.
At first, I took some solo time, hiking a small trail and then laying up in a tree hammock. A million and one thoughts going through my mind on how will I approach other women? Will anyone come talk to me? Do I really belong in this space??
I saw a group of women head towards the natural clay pond, so I eventually ventured over there and attempted some small talk.
And I had fun,
Words cannot even describe how normal and natural and wild and free this experience was.
I made so many beautiful connections with women.
Not knowing their backgrounds.
Social status.
Location.
Age.
In this moment, we are all the same.
All beautiful women.
With beautiful bodies.
With beautiful stories.
In a beautiful space.
Beautifully healing.
I would absolutely attend this event again, and encourage any other person to do so if you are given a chance.
